Monday, July 16, 2007

Ouch, That's My Identity

So I came out as bisexual in high school and since then I have met many a person with much to say about my sexual identity. From the straight, male jock to the radical, third-wave, lesbian feminist many a stinging remark has been made about bisexuals. Here is a quick and handy definition of bisexual I've compiled from these experts over the last decade:
Bi-sex-u-al [bahy-sek-shoo-uhl]: A person who has the capacity to engage in sexual and/or romantic relationships with other people regardless of gender as long as they are never monogamous or date less than two people (of different genders) at once.

The bisexual male does not exist as he is actually just about to call you and tell you that he's gay.

The bisexual female does exist, but can be difficult to find in a sea of heterosexual female liars. I mean, I love women, just not the fake bisexual ones. You know those girls, you sleep with her for a while, maybe even have a relationship, but then after that's done, she dates a guy. Liars.

At least lesbians are honest, when they leave you, they go and date another girl. Unless they're a lesbian who dates guys sometimes, but I digress.

The bisexual female can be defined by her previous and current sexual and romantic partners. In order to be a real bisexual a woman must have reached orgasm with or been a girlfriend to 60-100% female and 0-40% male partners. Any fewer female and any greater male means she is a heterosexual liar and cannot be trusted. Any bisexual female who is currently in a committed relationship with a male is a heterosexual liar.

Of course all gender is an illusion and no one should have to pick or be defined by their gender.


mega said...

right on sister. the limits of our language and the small-mindedness of people have turned us all into rabid labelers, more concerned with what a person is than if we actually enjoy spending time with them. hey, you seem nice. wait-you're a lesbian? i'm going to need to rethink how i feel about you as a person now.
so, props to you for calling us on our bullshit, and for daring to be bi in this one or the other world.

Hendershott said...

You know what really hurts? Is when you're the one doing the labeling - to yourself. What if I'm not gay enough for me? What if I'm not straight enough for me? And while, most of the time, I'm 100% comfortable to be who I am, when I am, but sometimes there's something that says, "Make a fucking choice! Don't keep switching back and forth!" ... but you know what? I did make a choice. It was for love.

Kristin said...

Yeah sometimes I wonder how much if it is everybody else and how much of it is me. Do they really not believe me or am I assuming they don't? Do they really think I'm awful for it or am I assuming that they do?

I really recommend Jennifer Baumgardner's book "Look Both Ways: Bisexual Politics" both for it's insights into what it means (and how it feels) to be bisexual and for lots of interesting feminist history.